Originally, I began blogging to document my kiddos lives. I am not a scrapbooker, and I had hoped to be able to keep up with the kids lives, the funny things they say and do, etc. The blog came in clutch after our computer crashed earlier this year. It kept the earliest photos of the baby. (Yeah!) I was keeping track of the kiddos and what they were doing, what we were doing...purpose fulfilled, right?
Well, when ya'll started telling me ya'll were reading, I started overthinking what I was typing. "Does this sound good? What can I say that will be funny, cute, or loveable?" Sounds stupid, right? I am embarassed that I am even typing this. My stupid pride.
It isn't this blog that is causing me to be prideful, or boastful, or significant to the world, or any other number of my many MANY other vices. It is just that I am. I am all of those things. I LOVE to find purpose in what others think about me. I love to find purpose in what others think about my family. And, (gasp) my husband and children.
I knew that I needed to step back. Over the last month, there has been so much that I have wanted to put on here. We have been a busy, busy family. But, everytime I would begin a post, that subtle (and sneaky) pride would creep in.
Please don't hear me say that this is anyone else's motivation for blogging. I just know my heart. I know that I want people to see and love the squeak-y clean, neat, fun, and dang near perfect Renfroes.
On a closer look at my heart and motives, deep down, what I really REALLY long for you blog readers to see is Jesus. If I can't portray that we are definite sinners in desperate need of a mighty Savior, then I am doing my family a serious injustice. Because we are...And, if I can't get over myself for long enough to fill you in (non-boastfully) about what is going on in our lives, well, then this isn't worth reading at all, right?
As this school year has drawn to a close, I have found myself evaluating everything. Was I a 'good' wife? a 'good' mom? a 'good' teacher? a 'good' employee? a 'good' student? any changes that need to be made in my time? our family's time? so on...this 'blog-pride is one of the things that I have noticed via-evaluation. I needed to 'confess' this in order to move on. Now that I got that off of my heart and mind, I will post some pics soon.
On another note, I haven't been blogging, but, I have been reading. I read the blogs of almost everyone I know, and those that I don't. I am so so SO encouraged by my friends (both real life and virtual life, bloggers, commenters, and non-bloggers) lives. I am so encouraged by my friend's faith, families, love for Jesus, and love for others. To those of you who read this (often crazy rant) I am grateful. I am thankful that we have had the privilidge of wonderful God-fearing friends and families. You guys are the best.
12 comments:
That stinkin' pride... it gets all of us... and you are so RIGHT blogging just feeds it! Your posts have never {for one sec} made me think you are trying to "be something other than your self" I love the RENFROES and I hope you come back to the blogging world soon... I was ecstatic to see this post. I owe you an email! :) Soon... my friend... soon! Maybe we can get 2 RVs and the Renfroes and the Sticklers can go together... run that by Al ok?
I love you I love you I love you!!!! I am so thankful that 10 years ago right about now God put us in the same place cutting fruit and building pineapple trees together. I am so thankful for you and your life and your friendship. I love to watch God do his thing in your life - it just makes me smile!!! I miss our time in Mobile together and our multiple times a day phone conversations (before ST entered the picture - followed by the other 5). God began a good work in you and He is carrying it out and despite what you think - pride or not - you have wisdom that needs to be shared. I am hoping to see some blog post about the Renfroes summer trip to the Big Apple - cause that means you are coming to see the cooks!!!!!
Thanks for sharing your heart! Confession in definately good for the soul. I have been missing your posts and look forward to your return, but I'm glad this hiatus has been so cleansing for you!
P.S. Every now and then I think "Tina betta sit down" and then I think of you and smile.
Laura, keep being YOU, that is all you have to do!! I love reading your posts--they are witty and fun, inspirational and admirable! I wish my "verbage" was as fun as yours, but I am not creative in a writing sense! You worry too much! Just post and write from your heart!
Laura...thanks for keeping it real! It's so funny how pride and arrogance can puff up over how many comments are left...but, honestly, I fall victim to it EVERYTIME I post something!
Can wait to see pictures of that beautiful (and PERFECT) Renfroe family :)
I love this post and you are so right on! We all need to take a step back because it is easy to get caught up in that darn pride. My thing has been comments and thinking, "oh 10 comments!" Or 30 or whatever number- and OH! They really like me! It's goofy and I've just turned them off some days for fear of my ego oozing out of my ears. I don't think that pretty picture glorifies anything- much less God!
So thanks for the post and I completely relate!
Laura,
You are the "BEST!!!" I enjoy readind everything you post. :)
Love,
Michelle
I meant to say, "reading" everything you post. Sorry misspelled it. I also love you and your family very much!:)
Thanks for the reminder that the blog world should be just a reflection of the real world. My prayer is my blog will be a scrapbook and journal for my kids but also an account of how God changes us. How our prayers get answered (or maybe thankfully unanswered, how we learn lessons, how our children and hearts and mind all grow as we make our way through the ups and downs of every day life. You have a beautiful life-as crazy and haphazard and non-squeaky clean as it may be at times. and do not worry, you've never had me fooled for one second! :)
thank you for blogging. it inspires me to make it worth my while! i love you!
now THAT was a great post! thanks for sharing your heart and being will to evaluate what was going on in your heart.
I felt a little shafted when I just accidentally found you had a blog, and thought, "Here I've been sharing a commune with the Renfroes and didn't even know they had a blog?!"
Then, after reading, I discovered that it's been 2009 since you posted, and I felt a little better :) Hope ya'll are doing better, that the sun is shining brighter.
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